(Source: day488, via day488)

Dear God, 

My life goes has been going by in slow motion. Tonight, something snapped.

I asked you into my heart and answer you did, but I pray to you now for guidance. Take me to a community, to people, to places, to where I can glorify you in All that I do. I pray that you give me the courage to Do Something with This (crazy, overwhelming and awe inspring) Love that is YOURS and from You Alone. This Love I’m tasting is allowing me to see …. to feel in ways my heart was too small to do on its own. To be broken and to be fulfilled by something so real and genuine that my unworthiness is more noticeable than ever…

Lord, This is All for You. Who did I think I was to try and do this and that, to carry burdens that you already bore for me? 

I come before you tonight with my commitment issues, my indecision, my once weary heart and my fear; they constantly consume me and make me jaded and weak. But tonight I pray that you take hold, that you find strength where I am weak. That you help me to follow through and live out what I’m learning and experiencing, to not let it stop here and also to give me wisdom that I clearly do not have.  Tonight, I lift this prayer up to you because there is none like you Lord Jesus. 

Humbled and Yours,

Amen. 

We carry a mask… 

When God calls to Adam in the garden of eden, Adam replies 

“I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked: so I hid” Genesis 3 

Just like Adam hid, I think we hide. We think that we can act like God doesn’t know what we’re doing or actually thinking. 

For the longest time I didn’t have the courage to be honest with Him about all of who I am. Afraid to be honest about exactly where I was with Him, I felt like growing up in a Christian household, being active in church my whole life held me to a certain standard that I was expected to uphold; that I had to project myself a certain way to not only God but to myself and my peers. In other words, I had on a mask when it came to who I was in front of Him.

But the problem is, God can’t minister to your mask; he cannot do work in you when you aren’t being honest yourself, your peers and most importantly Him. Sin broke Adam and Eve’s relationship with God, just as it has broken ours. But Jesus Christ opens up the way for us to renew our fellowship with him. He Longs to be with us. He actively offers us renewal, re-education and transformation through him but our own pride gets in the way. 

So..take it off. 

Too bad it isn’t that easy right? 

God isn’t about behavior modification. He is about Soul Transformation. 

Multi-masking is hard. It’s hard to be somebody you’re not supposed to be. The moment people start hiding, the peace of God goes out the door. People are tired. But it’s not fatigue.. it’s an exhaustion that reaches deep into the soul and if we let Him, he can take that away and fill it with something so long-lasting. Only when we are in the real can you see God really move in us and ask him to move in others around us. 

You can fake it only for so long. Until you yourself become dissatisfied. I looked around thinking “This isn’t it. I KNOW A LOT of God but I want to KNOW HIM more.  

God wants the real you. And who was I to think for a second that I could fool him? 

Putting Him first. It’s the easiest thing to do and the hardest thing to do.

What He really wants is my heart, not my decisions … for me to want Him so much that the other stuff becomes secondary. And for me to actively want that every day. It’s not passive. It’s not coasting. But it’s also not drudgery. We love Him. And so we Follow. 

It takes intentional thought and prayer … but the floodgates open up and the hunger for Him and His Word grows more and more. Give Him a blank check with your life, and ask Him what He’d like to do with it and you’ll find He’s eager to take you up on it … and show you more of Himself. Read His Word, the Bible. Talk to Him daily and ask Him how He wants you to spend your days and your relationships, how you can bring Him the most glory, how we can enjoy Him today and how we can tell others about Him and how much He means to us. It becomes a daily conversation, a journey with Him rather than a tally of major and minor decisions.

It takes discipline, and at the same time it’s incredibly freeing.

It’s desire.

I am making a commitment to Him. To do these things. To walk with Him. All of me. I can feel him renewing my soul whether I am feeling weak, prideful, vulnerable or arrogant. To hold onto the mask was so selfish. 

This is my new years step to Following Jesus. 

Just some other notable, random things. 

-Something I appreciate so much nowadays is when a person I come across is engaging. It’s kind of hard to find(?) and so refreshing.

-I WANT A DOG MORE THAN I CAN SAY. Someday soon. This breed —> “Samoyed” 

-“Still waters run Deep.” - my cousin said to me on a walk up the ave last fall….  I like. 

-The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Good intentions aren’t enough. Whether it be with relationships, with acts of difference….etc. It’s always important how you project yourself to others, how others perceive you… regardless of whether you’re “straight with God” or “straight with the person directly involved”. Something I’ve been learning the hard way but definitely a noteworthy “AH-HA!” moment of 2012. 

I read in my book for a class last quarter, (sorry if this makes no sense out of context)

“”Having set myself up as a good person with good intentions  i can feel disapproval or even compassion for all those bad, flawed or sick people who supposedly make trouble happen all by themselves in spite of people like me. And i can sympathize with people who suffer as a result. But the issue of just where I am in all of this drops of sight. Apparently I’m on the outside looking in. But the truth is that my silence, my inaction, and especially my passive acceptance of everyday privilege that goes along with group membership are all it takes to make me just as much a part of the problem as any member of the Klan.” - Power Privilege and Difference by Allen Johnson

-The more I think I know, the more I realize I know absolutely nothing… about anything. Oh dear. 

-Starting Insanity (workout regimin). Will probably die. OH WHALE!  Least I’ll die with some equally crazy friends of mine. 

-Excited to do some out-of-the-classroom learning.  

-High school was incredibly structured. I had a lot of commitments…. in all areas of life…coming to college I thought “oh yeaaaaah, I GOT THIS” No. Commitment issues here there and everywhere in-between~ We are completely responsible for our time, decisions and actions here and so everything I commit to I feel like I can’t commit to something somewhere else. I’ve been searching for this ‘right feeling’ that will direct me to exactly where I need to be whether it be in relationships, with a church community, my future etc….but that’s definitely not in God’s plan for me. It’s not that easy. I really want, no ….. NEED, to continue making commitments. *wish I had that mighty morphin power rangers song to play right *NOW* this cool picture will have to do…

-I really like the stores Paper Source and Anthropologie. Knick Knacks all around!

-Pixar short films… Iloveyousomuch. The Paperman score is now out on itunes and is awesome!!  If you listen… listen to the END. Tis all sorts of epic for about 30 seconds. 

-Something weird I recently discovered….. I normally work out to dubstep, fast paced music and the like but tried running to Hillsong and felt like I could run Forever. (which turned out to be something shy of 12 miles!!! personal record since high school) Worship changes everything. 

-Today, I really wanted to go fishing. Nobody fishes in Seattle. I miss it. I think it’s because I had to dissect a worm in my biology lab this week…. and fish like worms…. and now this is weird…. so let’s move on. 

-Haven’t posted in so long. But I feel like posting somewhere other than the privacy of my journal will keep me accountable. Not like anyone reads or uses tumblr anymore but… hahahaha oh well~ 

Night :) 

(Source: justinancheta / j_ancheta, via musicforthesouls)

Romans 12. Read now. 

& Some nice lights. 

(Source: goodyjar)

Not the aching, deep seated type…. but a comforting kind.

There’s a woman sitting across from me with a messy bun piled on her head and a necklace made of glass that reminds me of the LOTR-esque one I received last year from my parents. Even without headphones, she seems completely unperturbed by the noise around us whereas here I am with music playing much too loudly and I still feel as if ADD has been chasing me all day. 

Anyhow, here’s a quote I enjoyed 

“As Harold took a bite of Bavarian sugar cookie, he finally felt as if everything was going to be ok. Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies. And, fortunately, when there aren’t any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin, or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention hospital gurneys and nose plugs, an uneaten Danish, soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives. I know the idea seems strange, but I also know that it just so happens to be true. And, so it was, a wristwatch saved Harold Crick.”- Stranger Than Fiction

Some (recent) Events: 

-Spring Break in Spokane/Cali was amazing. No schedule. Just the best friend, a car and nothing but time :) Conquered every roller coaster at six flags.

-Roadtrip to Portland: Something everyone must do- roll down the windows and sing along to disney and throwback songs for 3 hours straight

-Daffodils: Have the sweetest scent. I’m a big fan. There’s a vase sitting next to me. Definitely my favorite flower today.

-Dreams are getting increasingly memorable these days. Last night I was on a boat; looking out the side of I felt like I was in an Ivan Alvazovsky painting… and I really am not that fond of his work. Why couldn’t it be Thomas Kinkade. Or better yet, Thomas Kinkade’s Disney collection. 

-Spent an afternoon w/my ipod in Northgate and after missing 2 busses, ended up coming home with 4 new books that I will probably not get through. I think for 2 of them I just liked the cover art too much to put them back.

-After attempting to teach my mother how to work an Iphone.. I think I can fully understand the breadth of the generation gap. She.Took.Notes. -.-‘

-Hoopfest, amazing as always. 

-Tried recreating this outside my apartment after a run… NOT even close. But I do appreciate that at least some pictures I see on the internet inspire me to try new things. Let’s be honest, I’m just trying to justify the time I spend on pinterest and tumblr. On a bright note, the ankle is finally well enough to run on again! Took a year and some..but really gratfeul. 

-2012 LONDON OLYMPICS! I get so emotional watching the olympics… so much respect for everyone out there competing. Misty May and Kerry Walsh will always have my heart but Destinee Hooker #19 is definitely a new girl-crush. It’s honestly probably the reactions of family members and loved ones that really gets me. 

-I have this huge issue where i break EVERYTHING around me. It’s really bad. Please someone tell me how I can remedy this. 

-Recently tried this place called Pam’s Kitchen on the Ave and LOVED IT. Trinidadian food? Something along those lines. But I feel like you have to be in a certain mood to eat there. And who closes during sundays AND mondays? 

Things I want to do soon sometime:

-Pumpkin Carving: didn’t get to do any of it last fall but again… high ambitions. And fall is coming up! 

-Kayak or paddle board on Lake Washington 

-Dance lessons (check.) - i’m HORRIBLE but knowing that gives me courage to redouble my efforts.

I like this. Talk about a longing stare.

Also reminds me of the short-film before Brave. La Luna, was it?  Adorable.

Summer Goals 

-New vocab words every day. 

Top 3 this week

1. Elysian (adj) beautiful or creative, divinely inspired, peaceful, perfect

2. Paragon (n) model of excellence, ideal, 

3. Plausive (adj) expressing or manifesting praise or approval

-Get myself to cut the sugar and breve and drink straight up black coffee

From Dad: 

Hi Jinna, I read this article this morning in the Spokesman Review and would like to share with you. It starts like this,

“Dear carolyn: I am a young man in college with many things going in my favor, including a pair of above-average parents. However, my father has a way of controlling my work life. He has often advised me to enter a certain job field, and steered me in that direction by showing the path and giving me a firm push(and tuition money). When the inevitable rough patches of school and work come up though, it can really make me second-guess whether I am putting in this effort to please myself or to please him. I have dreams to take my career in somewhat different direction from the one he expects, one that would be more fulfilling to me. When I try to bring up these ideas to him, I am met with a lot of resistance, to the point of his doubting whether I realize the gilded road is before me. This fall I will be entering my last year of school. Is there something to be said of going against a plan. -Pigeonholed

The last thing you need is another voice from the clouds(or ether) saying, “Do this, child.” What you need more than anything is some faith in the authority of your own voice, own desires, own opinions, own competence, own gifts and yes, own mistakes.    Because I feel so strongly about this, and because nothing undermines your authority more than guidance from people with ulterior motives. I’ll discolse mine: I believe the true “gilded road” for any emerging adult is the one that suits and supports their individual passions and strenghts. So what you’re really asking, it seems, is whether you can, without being an ingrate, choose a path that diverges from the one you recognize as the string attached to those gifts. You know what I think.Yor know pretty well what your father thinks. What do you think? A more revealing question, perhaps, to ask yourself and potentially your father: Do you think he hoped to raise a strong,independent youg man,or a weak,subservient one? And, given that, which is the son he deserves?”

I always want you to be who you are and be the best you can be. Have a nice day and cheer up. Love DAD

Songs I’ve been Enjoying 

Anything by 어반자카파 or Boys II Men

Tonight (John Legend) -The best you ever had 

Golden oldies… like Nat King Cole, Frank Sinatra, Marvin Gaye, The Lovin’ Spoonful, Tony Bennett.. etc. and a lot of jazz instrumental music 

Jaime Grace- With You 

Magic-Colbie Caillat 

Oppa Gangnam Style- PSY (too funny) 

Everybody Talks- Neon Trees 

Book Talk

A Wise Man’s Fear (Patrick Rothfuss) - Really good. A bit slow at times but I REALLY enjoy his writing style and how he phrases his ideas. Found the part where he had to train with Vashet to be a little boring… but! the rest was awesome. Book 2 out of 3 in his series. This series is beginning to get mainstream though.. which is a turn off? Still looking forward to book 3 which is rumored to come out in mid 201. 

-Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Steig Larsson:  After seeing the movie I have been compelled to read the book. My brother read it in one day while traveling from Florida to Washington, he says he couldn’t put it down. The movie was really well made but not for the faint of heart. I blame Carolyn Keen for my affinity for any book with a strong female protagonist. 

-Pleasure of the Text by Roland Barthes: SO GOOD. The brevity of the book made it appear to be a quick read but the density of the text itself had me keeping dictionary.com open to reference unknown words. I found myself nodding along at parts and starring the margins constantly. Still don’t think I comprehended more than half of what I read.

-Beautiful Ruins by Jess Walters: Lyrical, beautifully composed and subtly philosophical. I think the point of the final (title) chapter, which attempts to wrap up all the loose ends, is that, despite the pleasure such storytelling brings, it is impossible to harmonize all of the notes. Milan Kundera says, “nothing is more obvious, more tangible, than the present moment. And yet it eludes as completely. All the sadness of life lies in that fact.”

Next up: Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Ah, the iphone app “Flipboard” has a novels category and has become my new go-to for finding reviews on currently trending books. Definitely recommend. 

Movie Talk

-Dark Knight Rising was cool. Good company :) 

-5 Year Engagement: I really like the chemistry of the couple in this movie. Not really the best movie though. Actually, more importantly I think I have a soft spot for the way british people choose their words. I heard a girl say, “I’m going to pop into Barney’s to look around” and thought to myself, pop into Barney’s? POP? That’s SO CUTE. And I wish I had something lovelier to say than “SO CUTE” 

-21 Jump Street: Not gonna lie, hilarious.

Cheesy tumblr quotes usually get me rolling my eyes but I liked this one, 

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts” - Marcus Aureliu 

Hope you’re all having a good summer~ 

Sitting on the rooftop with nothing but a stretch of stars and a proud moon above me. There’s just faint glow of distraction from the city lights below or maybe I’ve just grown accustomed to the overwhelming lights of Seattle. I haven’t been out here in ages… the last time I tried I’m pretty sure I broke the screen on the window… 7th grade was it? After some ninja-like manipulation and maneuvering with laptop in hand, here I am again. I always felt like I could think more clearly up here. Feels so far away from Seattle and the chaos of every day life. I head back to it all in the morning. 

-Some art and things 

Never thought I would be one of ‘Those asians’… the one’s with their future heavily conflicted by the desires of their parents. My parents say, “do what you love” and ‘do what makes you happy’ but I just want to do what makes them happy… which conflicts with my interests. Oh how cliche. This year will help in figuring things out… but hey! clouds of grass and waterfalls in the sky? 

I certainly have an affinity towards fantasy fiction/entertainment. Sh.

- For all of you wondering about the ‘meaning of life’ 

I saw this response recently and thought it impressive.

Question: If life is so purposeless, do you feel that it’s worth living? 

“Yes, for those of us who manage somehow to cope with our mortality. The very meaninglessness of life forces man to create his own meaning. Children, of course, begin life with an untarnished sense of wonder, a capacity to experience total joy at something as simple as the greenness of a leaf; but as they grow older, the awareness of death and decay begins to impinge on their consciousness and subtly erode their joie de vivre, their idealism – and their assumption of immortality. As a child matures, he sees death and pain everywhere about him, and begins to lose faith in the ultimate goodness of man. But, if he’s reasonably strong – and lucky – he can emerge from this twilight of the soul into a rebirth of life’s elan. Both because of and in spite of his awareness of the meaninglessness of life, he can forge a fresh sense of purpose and affirmation. He may not recapture the same pure sense of wonder he was born with, but he can shape something far more enduring and sustaining. The most terrifying fact about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent; but if we can come to terms with this indifference and accept the challenges of life within the boundaries of death – however mutable man may be able to make them – our existence as a species can have genuine meaning and fulfillment. However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light.”- Stanley Kubrick 

series of paintings I really liked: 

-The weakest part of my faith would be prayer and I’ll be the first one to admit I have work to do there. On one sunday morning, my mom looked at me from across the dinner table and told me that, earlier that morning, my grandmother had spent a full 24 hours praying at the church in her small town and when she came home she was so sweaty and exhausted that she couldn’t lift her arms to change from her sweat drenched clothes. My grandpa carefully helped her and then cooked her breakfast. Together they napped till dinner and then she shared with him about her night. Now THAT is inspirational both in dedicated prayer and in Love. Continuing on, later that night I went to church and the sermon happened to be on prayer, on being able to ASK, not being ashamed to do so no matter what it is that is on your heart. The main passage for that sermon was Luke 11:9-10. I felt convicted as I left the service and about halfway home I glanced down to check my phone and to my surprise on my little ‘daily devotions application’ there sat Luke 11:9-10. Now this app gives me a different verse EVERY DAY and it so happened that on this sunday it coincided perfectly with the sermon and my grandmother’s story about prayer. Mindblown. 

-Cute: 

-you know what, this explains those dinosaur tracks. 

-Reasons why i wish I were more artistic 

A father creates these everyday for his kids, 

CHECK out this house. Looks like Connect Four 

And as if that weren’t cool enough….

this is AMAZING.. seriously mindblown

This next house…er, castle (?) was supposed to be a gift of George C. Boldt to his wife Louise. But she died two weeks before February 14, her birthday. The estate was sold for one dollar on a condition that whatever earnings generated be used ONLY for restoration. In honor of the love of his life. (aaawww)

Credits to Charis’s blog on the next one: 

Argentinian artist Leandro Erlich has constructed a full-size fake swimming pool, complete with all its trappings, including a deck and a ladder. When seen from the deck, the pool appears to be filled with deep, shimmering water. The truth is, a layer of water only some 10 centimeters deep is suspended over transparent glass. Below the glass is an empty space with aquamarine walls that viewers can enter.

-I always want to take epic pictures while leaving/entering cities by plane. So usually I sneak out my cell phone when I think the flight attendant isn’t looking. NEVER looks this good.

-Baked Goods 

-Home has been amazing, some moments that stick out—>

Fishing w/mom and dad: we caught 21. They were tiny mind you, BUT it was the most fun I’ve had in a while. 

Walking at night: something my parents used to do starting from when we still lived in Idaho… I really missed the walks at dusk. Now that we’ve been walking again it literally feels like a walk down memory lane. 

Day trip to Omak: Can’t say there was much in Omak but the drive there and back with my dad was great. After speaking with him I always can’t help but feel like I know so little. When he was 18, he ran 25 miles in combat boots and full gear (in the military). Makes me feel like I’m being way too complacent not to mention a total baby about everything. 

Zumba/Yoga/Pilates classes: amazing!! I strongly suggest you guys try it out if you have a chance. So good for the mind. In today’s yoga class an average sized man whipped out his yoga mat right next to me… about 30 minutes into class I realized he was THE Master of Yoga. CRAZY things, he was doing!! At one point he had his entire body suspended on his arms, was this b-boying and I missed the memo? I felt like a complete loser stuggling to hold what felt like 16 billion breaths in ‘downward dog’…

Costco Runs: Every sunday afternoon we hit up the local Costco. I’m a downright professional at meandering down the overstocked aisles of Costco. Maybe it’s time for my own membership? *gasp* true sign of adult-hood. Too bad I still head straight to the movie section or free samples… 

Reconnecting w/friends: Good talks come by much more frequently now because of how infrequently we see each other. If I had a penny for every good conversation I’ve had in the last few weeks, I’d have an extremely happy handful of pennies with me.  

Trip to Montana: Some people go to hawaii… or new york… my dad chooses Montana. I quote, “you can always go to Hawaii or Tahiti, when do you ever get to go stay in a hand built cabin in Yaak Montana?”, can’t argue with that. Finally got some time away from technology and w/absolutely nowhere to go but the saloon or general store about 20 miles away, i cracked open a book i’ve been meaning to read. Finished it in one sitting. Amazing what Yaak montana can do. Occupancy of maybe 200 people, chamomile tea and a little lamp, provided the best entertainment and rest I’ve had in a while (man, i sound OLD). No wonder my dad doesn’t like ‘vacationing’..  I must say though, if you guys have ever seen a house built by hand from SCRATCH….incredible. I can’t even stay focused with legos.

but best of all, I’m feeling GOOD now, physically, spiritually and mentally. Ready to go back :) 

Pictures that made me look twice: 

-One of the most talked about installations at the 12th International Architecture Exhibition in Venice was Cloudscapes. Japanese architect Tetsuo Kondo and a German climate engineering firm Transsolar came together to put a cloud in a large interior space called the Corderie, a 316-meter-long space where ropes for Venetian ships were made. Visitors to the exhibit can walk through the cloud via a circular ramp that ascended 4.3 meters high. 

Noteworthy Books: 

-Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss: Couldn’t put this one down… read it in one sitting. Haven’t done that since Harry Potter 7! It’s fantasy/sci-fi so if you’re not into that then it might not be for you.. and it’s a bit dark but the storytelling is phenomenal. Rothfuss is a masterful raconteur if anything. 

-Forbidden by Ted Dekker: currently in the middle of it until I can get my hands on the sequel to the aforementioned book, but it has been a thriller so far. Found it sitting neatly amongst a billion other “new york bestseller’ books at Costco but the whole ‘I am Legend’-esque theme drew me in. Here is a summary in case you’re interested, “Many years have passed since civilization’s brush with apocalypse. The world’s greatest threats have all been silenced. There is no anger, no hatred, no war. There is only perfect peace… and fear. But a terrible secret has been closely guarded for centuries: Every single soul walking the earth, though in appearance totally normal, is actually dead, long ago genetically stripped of true humanity. Fleeing pursuit, with only moments to live, a young man named Rom stumbles into possession of a vial of blood and a piece of cryptic writing. When consumed, the blood will bring him back to life. When decoded, the message will lead him on a perilous journey that will require him to abandon everything he has ever known and awaken humanity to the transforming power of true life and love. But the blood will also resurrect hatred, ambition, and greed.” and it goes on but this is getting kind of lengthy… anyways, i’ll check back in after I finish!  

-Some comic relief 

And finally, songs of the week: 

-Jaime Grace: Hold Me [happiest, catchiest song ever just listen to it] 

-Rediscover You: Starfield [describes how I’ve been feeling]

-This Life: Ryan Huston [reminds me of John Mayer, gorgeous song though]

Oh my Lord this is so long, I bet nobody is going to read this. Ah well! :) Goodnight! 

(Source: leilockheart, via asdfghjkllove)

(Source: no-roads-left, via ronin13)

I want to live a life lost in His love. Human love is incredible but falls short at times. That doesn’t mean it isn’t great, but how can I ignore this perfect love that is God? Why can’t I seem to understand it? Setting aside time to seek Him out is so tough because it is so hard to hear him over the demands of my daily life. But, I need it. I am starting to realize how intentional I have to be about maintaining and improving a relationship with Him. I used to think I had myself so figured out. But what I’m realizing is I’ve spent so much time trying to figure myself out, I’ve completely forgotten about getting to know Him. There is so much more to know and I would become so much better for it in the process. I’ve been searching for many answers lately. Silence. I always thought God was teaching me how to be patient but now I’m sure he’s showing me what it is to hunger for more.  

On a similar note, Talking with a friend we went over the difference between ‘settling’ and being ‘satisficed’ (a combination of ‘satisfied’ and ‘sufficient’-a term from her interpersonal communications class haha)

Settling: (Negative connotation) Something is just enough to make you happy 

Satisfice: (Positive Connotation) You are happy Because something/someone is enough.

See the difference? I think I may need to implement voice inflection to communicate this one… Maybe I’ve misunderstood my expectations for ‘Love’. Like many other things right now, I guess it’s time to re-define what I believe. 

Recently read a re-post on a friends page about single life for women: This part in particular really spoke to me, (From God)

 ’Again, don’t concern yourself about the time.  I am timeless.  Concern yourself instead with remaining in my hands so that I can perfect you to be all that he needs, so that when it’s the right moment, there will be no fear, no hesitation, no question that you are indeed the one that he is meant to live out with rest of his days on the earth with. I want more for you.  Love me enough to let me give it to you.  Just as you are to be a blessing to him, he is to be provider and protector for you; he is to bless you as well in ways even your prayers have yet to articulate, but in my infinite wisdom, I know you deserve. I love you.  Be still and know.  Really know.  I do. - Your heavenly Father”

:)

Other wonderings:

-I tried making a sand castle at the beach very recently… it looked nothing like this… but this is NICE!

-I really hate having to take off all jewelry/shoes/belts/coats etc. at airport security lines but whats worse is feeling like you have to move like a ninja once you’re on the other side so the person behind you doesn’t get mad that you’re taking forever. 

-A picture of the Selangor River located in Malaysia. Reminds me of Fruit by the Foot.

-Sitting outside on the balcony I was sitting cross-legged, talking with a friend on the phone when I noticed a spider spinning it’s web between 2 rails. Normally, I would flail around and then dip on out of there but the spider was so focused on making its web it only drew my curiosity. I scooted closer and watched carefully. Honestly, the first word that came to mind was beautiful. The movements were so unnatural in my eyes but the little guy knew exactly what he was doing. Every movement was so precise and determined… I’m not sure why, but something close to inspiration sparked inside of me. Today, I’m back to hating spiders. 

-Life is too short to eject my USB device ‘properly’- I always get that notification that I failed to do so. 

-Mini Rant: Lost my ipod. Now, and only now, am I realizing how important music is in my life. ljskfsljlsd… rageee…. okay done. 

 -This guy is outrageously cute!! ahaha..he’s so… ROUND!

-My mother sends me a picture of one of my old baby socks, next to a napkin. Caption: “look how small it is!!” the sock was definitely cute but I found it adorable that she chose to scale it with a napkin. I can picture her bustling around searching for something, anything - to compare it to….. and then she settles on?! …..a napkin. Mental image that makes me chuckle :)

-I have a fondness for pictures of light coming through trees or clouds. 

I’m pretty sure ‘image-therapy’ works wonders on me. 

-I heard a quote recently, “Don’t be afraid of the shadows, that just means there is a light nearby” - I won’t lie, this is from a kdrama I’m watching haha~ still good 

Songs of the week:

Stronger- Mandisa [feel good song for sure] 

A Bitter day- Hyunah (4Minute) 

Love- Yim Jae Bum [his voice is so soothing, I could listen to this song for hours] 

Summer Reading 

Does anyone even read anymore? If you do, and are looking for some good reads… Please recommend any to me as well. 

The Bakers Boy- JV Jones (there are two other books to this series and they are so good. The character development is so well done and the plot is very well played out, you definitely feel attached to the characters by the end of the third book. I strongly recommend this series if you have spare time. I would say its the ‘adult’ version of LOTR+ Harry Potter haha) 

Bhagavad Gita- Translated by Stephen Mitchell- A book based on Hindu beliefs but the writing is truly beautiful. Its more like a collection of poems and I admit, I had to put my own beliefs to the back of mind to really experience the full effect of the writing but it was very moving. I guess I’ve been curious about other religions lately, tests and re-affirms my own faith :) 

Next up: 

Maybe some more Virginia Woolf? She was the one author I remember from high school english courses that I really liked. Most of the time I dislike women writers because the work is more detail-oriented and wordy but Virginia Woolf packs so much weight into simple every day situations but does so in a concise way. It’s very impressive. In To the Lighthouse I remember she would describe the simplest situations with overwhelming accuracy and articulation. Probably the only book from school that I enjoyed. 

Davinci Code- the movie was good and I am a mystery novel aficionado so I suppose this book would be exciting. (I miss the Nancy Drew days)

I wonder if I had bookcases like these, I would spend more time reading  

Hopefully these will make you smile

and i stole this off of facebook, 

smile more :) 

Have a good week 

Summer plans are starting to fall into motion~ After finals, I’ll be heading home to spend a few days with my parents and old friends. Then my brother and I are taking off on our ‘Journey’.

First we’ll head to Oregon. Fry’s Electronics and no tax are nice but I’m definitely going to enjoy being with my extended family the most.

Next, we’re going to *drumroll here*

drive down the coastline to SoCal. Everyone should do it once in their life right? I can’t wait to see his world. I can’t wait to make mix-CDs and buy Arizona Ice Teas at gas stations all along the way. Seattle has been so good to me but after hearing about his life in Cali, I can’t wait to attach faces to these people I’ve been hearing about and try the supposedly superior yogurt and dining. There is so much to catch up on, I can’t wait. 

He’s one of those people I could sit in silence with for any duration of time and we would understand each other perfectly. Dang, I’ve really missed him. 

I’m normally quite fond of transitions but I don’t feel like taking the time right now. 

 New things I’ve tried as of late:

-Good sushi because yes, there’s a difference. Personally I could eat Seared Salmon for days

-Hip hop dance classes w/the roommates, come ask me and I will demonstrate the choreo (song: Buyou- Keri Hilson) trust me, it’s embarrassing on my part. 

-Recycling, finally need to stop playing basketball with crumpled up paper plates and the like 

-Vitamin water ZERO, absolutely as subtle/tasteless as vitamin water in its original state of caloric value.. I’m still a huge fan   

A little humor

hahahaha

Other Notes

-I wonder if I could get a job naming wall paints or new crayon colors, they’re so fun. 

-I love miniature versions of everything. Mini water bottles, mini muffins, mini doughnuts, mini shoes… little bit obsessed. 

-I’ve recently been playing a lot of sports and it brings back a sort of high that I only remember from playing competitively in high school. 

-I’ve begun putting together a bucket list 

-I normally don’t like pancakes but I would definitely eat these 

Songs I’ve been particularly fond of this week

Never Gonna Leave this Bed -Maroon 5 

In Like a Lion- Relient K 

While I’m Waiting - Jon Waller 

You and I - Park Bom 

How He Loves- Kim Walker 

Home- Switchfoot 

Bugging me Today 

-I’m somewhat shocked at how LITTLE I know… I feel like there is so much to know, and I want to know ALL of it.. but I don’t know where to start. (And I definitely don’t want to start with reading assigned from school) I hear seattle has a really nice public library, sometime this summer I’m going to go find it. For now, Reddit helps calm my itch to want to know the random and mostly irrelevant things of our world. 

-Definitely need some more QT lately. Runs have been helping. 

-This quote has recently been weighing heavily on my heart, 

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”

Let’s get away, 

Sitting cross-legged on my couch I checked the clock and then went back to wasting time. 

Why had I grown so complacent? 

Another hour dragged by before I finally got up and changed into shorts and an oversized hoodie

grabbing my ipod i walked downstairs and out the doors 

My mind was void of thoughts but the lethargy from the day began to fade as my pace quickened on the pavement

Scrolling through my familiar playlists I pressed ‘back’ in frustration and shuffled my library instead 

Normally I schedule every part of my day and block off amounts of time I need to dedicate to what activity 

Putting all of my planning and scheduling to rest I just ran. 

and ran. 

and ran. 

After a while, something in me compelled me to go towards Gasworks Park 

As the familiar strain in my shins began to grow, I diverted my attention to the buildings around me,

Potted Plants. We could use some of those on our patio too. 

I passed a boatyard and briefly examined the unique names before continuing on 

When I made it to the park I ended up on top of the hill, overlooking the waterfront and beautiful Seattle skyline

Sun beat down despite the lingering presence of distant dark clouds from the morning rain. 

On the water a sailboat race of some sorts, created a picture perfect image 

I settled down on the hillside and shut my eyes.

For a while I lost myself in music, 

particularly the song, He Is by Mark Schultz (take a listen if you have time)

Opening my eyes I took in my surroundings 

To my left a couple sat nestled together with grins from ear to ear. To my direct right a man with a ponytail sat next to his bicycle with headphones on and a dinner in his hands. Scattered near me were families, couples, friends, pets but the people that stuck out the most were those who were alone. 

Were they all there for the same reason I was? 

Was everyone thinking the same thing as me? 

I felt myself grin as I a sailboat with red sails overtook the first place contender 

By the time the last of the boats passed by, I felt like I had gotten what I needed

The way back was much easier

My breathing fell into a rhythmic pattern and my feet grew numb to the pavement

Reaching familiar territory I felt myself pushing myself like I used to,

I fell into the bench on the park outside of my apartment and feigned composure as a group of students passed by

Walking back inside, 

I glanced down at the time, 3 hours gone

a simple run but something I guess I needed more than I thought

Definitely for more than one reason

Recharged. :)   

(Source: dekky, via mr-kasoogi)

One of my favorites :) Always makes me smile. The line about cucumbers is the best haha enjoy~

By Chance You and I - J.R.A.

(Source: priscirraohyoung)